 10. You can braid it!!! 9. You can dress it up with ribbons!!! 8. You can curl it!!! 7. You can make a ponytail!!! 6. You can make it your friend!!! 5. You can use it as a cloak!!! 4. You can use it as a whip!!! 3. You can use it as a rope!!! 2. You can sell it when your strapped for cash!!! 1. You can watch "RAPUNZEL"!!!!!!! (originally posted by Gary here) Theater Down South presents Rapunzel, a story that we all know about: young girl who is stuck in a tower because her parents stole from a witch, which really is a musical created by the same people who gave us F*R*I*E*N*D*S. Rapunzel opens first week of August and runs until December right at the Insular Life Theater, Filinvest Corporate City, Alabang. For more information, show bookings and other inquiries, you can: 1) contact us at 0927 8336243 2) email info@theaterdownsouth.com or, 3) check out Theaterdownsouth.com
Sometimes I think back to way way back and think: Man, I wasn't thinking when I said that.
But in spite of everything, I still find myself giving advice to people and/or listening to their secrets without a prejudiced flinch.
Makes me wonder if:
1) I'm too desensitized. Or, I'm too comfortable with the world around me or,
2) I'm really all that.
What an ego I must have...
I think I carry the same body as my father's favorite aunt. She was described to me as square, and that is how I remember her. This description came along with a story about when she was walking from church. She was my height and heavy set and square-shaped and she was walking with difficulty, probably shifting her weight with each step. She tried to quicken her pace with urgency because trucks were watering plants, creating a manmade deluge. As a result, she came home dripping wet. I imagine she wasn't pissed. I imagine that she'd be laughing as she told her sisters what had happened to her. I suppose that she wouldn't be pissed at having been helplessly sprayed in water because I myself wouldn't have been outraged. Lola Isang was the playful type who used to shift her teeth in her mouth to scare my brother. She is a forebear after all.
My body is becoming a big deal to my mother *rolleyes* I told her that I'm aware that I'm fat, in effect putting my foot down about a point I was trying to make which she conveniently disrupted. I love my body. I'd write an entire essay about it from cataloging every mole on my skin, to my skin's lust for almond body butter, all the way to the history of Lucy and Michelle (all of that will be written soon). But it does look peculiar when I turn sideways. I am square. Not as square as Lola Isang, but getting there. I may have developed a psychosis as I found myself thinking towards my naked plump reflection, Isang, I love you, you're adorable, but I don't really think you should resurface through me this way...tama na po ang mga pinamana niyo sa 'kin. Down, lola, down.
I am aware that this is all hormonal. It's always been hormonal. I was heavier two months ago and last year, while dancing for Once On This Island, I would still be 20 pounds heavier in spite of "We Dance," "Pray" and "Mama Will Provide". And of course, if it's hormonal, it's crazy. Friends, if I get too crazy, it's because of the hormones. I've been too anal with coordinating and figuring out things, and I know I've been more impulsive than usual. This isn't exactly an apology and I am saying that because you're the type of people who would say "it's okay," anyway. (Okay, that last statement? I can't help it...that's me being an ass...I totally mean all that as a apology. ilu)
My mother said this to me tonight, her words probaby cosmically jesting to me about how I feel an affinity with Lola Isang:
Matandang dalaga si Lola Isang mo. Sana hindi ka magmana.
Mom what the hell?!
24 was my last year as a teenager.
25 was when it hit me that change was going to come.
26 felt like a series of full-circle moments. This was the year that I got sick more than I ever have than in my entire high school life. This was also the year that I learned to somehow be vulnerable, and the word that recieved closure for me was awareness.
27 enters with an awareness about my body. Two executive check ups in a row revealed that my cholesterol level is at the edgy side of normal. At the same time, I learned to love my body. Seeing my caramel-toned naked self everyday as I walk out of the shower, I can't get over at how awesome I look. That and I have never been so happy about my present plumpness.
One hour and one minute into 27, all I can think of are people. I have never met so much people this year, let alone people much taller than me. Recently at the Bona Coffee opening, people from high school, college and family were there; essentially my entire life. Says something about the year to come.
My worries...I hardly worry. But to those that I have expressed worry to recently, knowing what I had just said before this sentence says a lot. I forwarded a text message recently (something that almost never happens) and it said: The categories of optimism and pessism don't exist for me.
I am a prisoner of hope. I am going to die full of hope.
- Cornell WestThis pretty much has yet to be applied in my life and this is because worrying for me can be a semblance despair. There are things that are bothering me though: - An ear infection, which I am convinced isn't just caused by cotton swabs. I'm swabbing the area with olive oil and garlic. Natural antibiotics information care of google: Olive oil and garlic. Colloidal Silver is unavailable at present.
- I feel so blah about my body lately. I am trying to be aware of my sodium intake. So tomorrow, it'll be pears and a cucumber, among other healthy things.
- The magazine team. I don't know how everyone is, partly because I don't ask. Sorry guys. Pammu was busy, and Pammu's been bogged down with far too much crap but has recovered anyway, due to things called friends :)
To off-set these things, there are other things to be thankful for: - A successful workshop. I am plenty proud of those kids. On day one, I had that great nagging feeling in my psyche that we're doing something right. And for what it's worth, it was a success. I was teary-eyed for a few seconds because...I'm so proud of them!
- Friends. Seriously. In the past, the people I'd hang out with were more like a job that entailed an appearance at a sitcom. I enjoyed the company and the conversation. Falling out (of it can be called that) didn't really amount to so much, but right now...omg. I feel so loved and so appreciated by the people I sit down with and hang out with.
- Jana. She needed to get away from her hectic life and decided that staying at my condo would help. To be honest, her little retreat helped me as well. Our conversations confirmed a lot of things, and at the same time opened up a lot of opportunities. Happy Birthday again, sweetheart. I'm glad you won a door prize. You deserve it (along with a whole lot of things you deserve).
- Last night at sir Mike's. Well that was an interesting evening. I had so much fun. We must all do that again soon, and next time, we'll bring things.
So there. I still feel exhausted. I feel like crashing at the condo today, because I can't write in my room (which has yet to be clean and organized). Besides, there are things that need to be picked up for the place.
Stef's blog project has hit week number 2 and all I can say is...wow, it's Thursday already? Holding back compassion requires letting go off people just to let them go in circles and let them trip. Forgiveness comes after because...you know better than to be aware of the f*** up and not forgive them for it.
tagged by: The Irresistable Paparette =) RULES A. People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves. Tag 8 people. Those who are tagged cannot refuse. B. These 8 people must state who they were tagged by. You cannot tag the person who tagged you. Continue this game by sending this to 8 other people.
1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
My initial reaction would be physical. I'd be trembling from shock and I'd be crying without knowing why I am crying because I would be trying to process all the information. This could be some sort of shock. As soon as I stop crying and start sobbing, that's when emotions start to kick in be it rage, anger, despair. Those things may arrive all at once, probably with a full awareness. 2. What will you do if you do not share the same feelings as the person who likes you?
Stay friends. If not, I'd be that random girl and say hi whenever I can and whenever I want to. 3. What if Danny Noriega called you?
I'll shout really really loud and OMG YOU AND I HAVE TO GO SHOPPING!!!!!!omgomgomg 4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
I'm not as confused, I think. I'm confused about what is going on right now, as it is. Pretty much like what John has said, every 20-something is confused about their future in one way or another...it's an awkward phase that's just as awkward as puberty. But I remain hopeful: "The categories for pessimism and optimism do not exist for me..." 5. Who's your ideal lover?
This person has to master the art of reading my mind...and bending to it. Hehehehe. The ideal lover already exists, as far as that is concerned, in spite of my pixie-playful tendencies (would that make me an imp?). My ideal lover is someone who can take a joke and pwn me at the subtlest one-up. He should also...be able to read my face. 6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone else?
Can we all just get along? Loving someone is enough. Being loved back in general shouldn't really matter, nor should it be demanded. The fact that you CAN love and admit to being in love is human enough. 7. If the person you like does not accept you, would you continue to wait for them to change their feelings?
Meh. Never mind. If they're my friend, then that's that. If I can't change anyone's mind, then I'll have to...cut my losses and head back to my swamp. 8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Smile a lot. Actually, I'd treat him and his significant other as tabloid news items...ikakatutuwa ko sila dahil natutuwa ako para sa kanila. 9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently?
Oh, a lot. Stress from this crazy weather, the fact that I can't touch base with Arkansas on a daily basis, my faux hunger. 10. What do you want most in life?
I seriously want to help people be it making them happy or making them think. I have an itch to spend money on people...the fact that I don't have that kind of money yet, speaks of the lessons I need to learn. 11. Is being tagged fun?
Actually, it really is. 12. Is there anything that has happened in your life that you wish you could rewind and change?
There certainly some things that I am ashamed of, but I don't think that I wouldn't be the same person or have the mindset that I currently have without these things. Having the desire to change them would dismally change my world. 13. Who are currently the most important people to you?
Immediate family, and the friends I get to talk to on a daily basis (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. I LOVE YOU ALL. I CAN'T GET OVER THE FACT THAT YOU WERE THERE WHEN I NEEDED PEOPLE TO FALL BACK ON. You guys are the best.) 14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Mikko is a treasure. 15. What are you supposed to do right now?
Take a shower and them write a long letter to Arkansas. 16. If the person you secretly like cannot recognize you, what would you do/how would you react?
Play around a bit.
17. Would you give your all in a relationship?
I've lost tremendous amounts of sleep already. That doesn't exactly count as "everything", but as much as it takes, yes, I'd give as much as I can into this ship.
18. If you fall in love with two persons simultaneously, who would you pick? In my case, I picked the one who stuck with me for 2 years. In cases like these, there is no one to blame but yourself...it's a terrible terrible feeling. 19. What type of friends do you like?
The ones I already have. 20. If you played a prank on someone, and he/she fell for the trick, what would you do?
I'd put on "the Face" and smile.
Tagging: riareb, Iam, BJ, Joms, Mikki Villa (are you alive in the multiplies???), Ryan Camarillo, Paolo del Rosario, abby sanchez
My cell phone inbox is crowded and for want of more space, I shall share a few sms exchanges here for everyone to enjoy. It's all crazy.
Bea Quitiquit sent me the most awesome birthday greeting last year:
Happy birthday to you, do you wear color blue? It comes in dark navy and baby...But looks best when on you! (sent 1:35 am, June 3, 2007)
- The year 2007 brought me back to a fixation to the color blue. I sort of vented out on the fabulous Bea Q and she remembered to put that on this greeting.
From the hot hot hottie, Edsel Mendoza, who merely quoted what I wrote in his Starbucks journal but thoughtfuly texted this to me as a birthday greeting: "On this day, in Great Lakes, Illinois, the most awesone, most god-awesome, serene, vocal talent turns 26" (sent 7:02 pm, June 3, 2007) Edsel is a darling. I can never shut up about that. No, I can never.
Before Niki delos Reyes-Torres lost his previous phone, he sent this as a forwarded message: - Natigil na ang iyong pagiging TAO. Para muling maging tao, txt HALIMAW OFF20 (1 day), HALIMAW OFF40 (2 days), at HALIMAW OFF 80 (4 days) to 2870. (sent 8:37 pm, June 22, 2007)
I was drunk texting people in Baguio:
- I define bizarreness thus: when children teach their parents how to drink tequila. I just had a whole glass. Baguio helleeew!! (sent 10:54 pm March 21)
Hope Swann, the perkiest thing in Manila, texted me this rant while in the middle of class (or I think she was ranting to me at least): Classmate: there were nazis in The Sound of Music?! I didn't know the movie was set during World War I!
Ahhh....Christmas drunk texting. This one's from Ria Ortega:
- Just taking the time in the midst of a semi-drunken stupor to let you know that your friendship means a lot to me! I love you! Merry Christmas!
Gary's wasn't really a text message sent in a semi-drunken stupor, but it's good enough:
- To all my friends and family who sent me love, luck, and good wishes for 2007, "It didn't work!" Please send cash for 2008! Happy New Year to you and your family!
There was an incident during a zitsprobe for Once Upon A Mattress wherein my bag was misplaced. It was messy incident, but nothing to make my belongings impossible to retrieve. Bea Q tried her best in helping me out. She got a hold of my bag (which of course had my cellphone) and texted me, in an effort to let me know IMMEDIATELY that my bag is safe: Mission accomplished! hahaha (sent 3:29 PM February 2, 2008)
Rod and I were going to pick Dave Corpin up. Dave gave us unmistakable directions:
- Sa corner pagpunta ka ng South Super Market. I'm wearing blue shirt, jeans, backpack and pleasing personality. (sent 9:21 pm February 27, 2008)
Speaking of Rod, he has something of a gamer quirk:
- Try to find a ride to McDonalds. Wait for the Pajero there. (message since deleted)
He plays too much rpg and point and click games. But there's more, and he hams it up this time:
- Use the key to get in the house. Silence must be maintained as you enter =P Where are you? (sent 2:40 am, March 29, 2008) Brotherly love attached in that one.
A (remembered) conversation between Rod and I concerning the kind of violin strings that I needed for Celeste (my violin):
Rod: PJ, What kind of string do you need? We're at Southmall.
Pammu: omg you're going to buy me strings? reeallyy? E! E! I NEED E!
*some 5 minutes after sending this message and possible SENDING IT OUT LOUD OMG*
Pammu: Uh, that didn't sound right.
Rod: Haha. Oo nga.
More from Rod...the highlight of the Once Upon A Mattress cast party, after Rod goes all the way to the house from Zobel to check and see of I really did lock the backdoor (because I panicked and parents coming home to an unlocked but otherwise safe backdoor isn't at all appealing):
- You locked it. Man, you owe me. (sent 2:03 pm, April 4, 2008)
I treated him to a nice cold drink from Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf.
I was an executive meeting and wanted a way to distract myself (ADD, you have become me!): Joms? I'm at CFAC (A BF church a stone's throw away from Joms' house) Because I need an excuse to see you, can I borrow your Rapunzel script? (sent 2:02 pm March 29, 2008)
Matthew Arcilla plays god to my music tastes:
Tunng is your new favorite electronic folk pop group. So Matthew has spoken, so it is law. (sent 3:08 pm, April 28, 2008)
Chino shows up on a sports show on channel 4. He was promoring his summer Karate classes and brought his minions to the show for a demo. At one point, he called these kids his smurfs, to which I text: Chino, ang gagaling ng mga smurfs mo ah. He one-ups me, replying with:
- Ako si Papa Smurf ;-) (sent 6:23 pm, March 3, 2007)
Niki delos Reyes-Torres' April Fools text message:
- Hey, please pray for me. I just came from the doctor. Last week, I got tested. I kinda delayed my trying to get the results coz I was afraid. Well, in short, may sakit ako. I jsut learned from the family physician na GUMUGWAPO RAW AKO!!! Hindi raw ito nakakahawa, pero di na raw ito magagamot.
APRIL FOOLS! (sent 3:45 pm April 1, 2207)
Uli Oposa has been hanging out with Mikki Villa too much.
- Guys, Mikki is confirmed bakla. According to my reliable source na itago na lang natin sa pngalang "Nani", si Mikki daw ay umiyak habang nanonood ng "The O.C." (sent 3:21 pm April 9, 2008)
To people who are familiar with Muntinlupa politics and, well, Uli Oposa:
- Kamukha ni Mikki so Tita Lor Fresnedi (sent 2:57 pm May 16, 2007)
Lor Fresnedi did not win the 2007 municipal elections in Muntinlupa; it has yet to be contested if Mr. Oposa's observation (which has circulated a lot of circles) influenced Mrs. Fresnedi's demise.
Si Nikki talaga:
- I have a new hobby: Abstract painitng. No Paint, no brush. I just think about it. (sent 5:52 pm June 1, 2007)
Rod's typo didn't make sense (at first): Just saw Jessica Zafra sa Itakianis. (sent 10:29 pm May 15, 2007)
My friend Esther's cheeky Christmas greeting: Pwede bang weeweechu sa iyo? Ok lang? Weeweechu a Merry Christmas! Weeweechu a Merry Christmas! Weeweechu a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! ;-) (sent 10:46 pm December 11, 2007)
To all Corduroys. This is concerning "confirmed" and "confeermed." My brother was trying his painstaking best to relay the story, but gives in and texts me: Haha, I was sharing it to Cybil, tapos I had to cut the story short coz I forgot the word. (sent 7:42 pm March 14, 2008) Awwww Rod.
I rant about clouds because really, they have caused panic attacks as of late. Micko replies: Run for cover! Zeus wants to rape ya dude! Then again, you would become mother to a godling! (sent 6:06 pm April 10, 2008)
Chino rips his pants. He rips his pants somewhere in the middle of warm ups for TWDS at Zobel. I send this message to Ria (should've done the same to Niki, but oh well): Karma is when........Chino breaks his pants during warm ups (sent 2:49 April 2008)
...To which Ria replies:
- bwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Some 15 minutes later, Ria hasn't finished laughing yet:
- WAIT MERON PA! bwaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Theater Worshop Administrator is overthinking. Teacher Joms was asking if I have a clock, which, though unexplained, is supposedly used for logging in purposes. I thought and thought and thought. In fact, I even thought that said "clock" will be for some activity, and because my feeble mind had just woken up, I try my best to appease the situation:
- I don't have [a clock] that works. To improvise, we can draw one in the board! (sent 10:42 am April 11, 2008) Joms, confused by my confusion, scrathces his head and ignores the need for a clock altogether.
One Friday evening, while trying to ignore Micko and John do theatrical combat because John is repressed from all that...Romeo and Juliet. My phone rigns. I see that it is none other than self-confessed hottie Paolo del Rosario. I answer, but I hear nary a Paolo at the end of the line. For all I know, I might have been talking to his ass. Maybe his right butt cheek. So I text him...
Pammu: Pao, I think you sat on yor phone. You rang me. (sent 8:45 pm April 25, 2008)
Pao: Miss Ria? (sent 8:40 pm April 25, 2008)
Pammu: It's Pammu :-D (sent 8:50 pm April 25, 2008)
Pao: Oh wow :-) Haha ok...I wrote your name wrong on my phone...I wrote it as pan... (sent 8:45 pm April 25, 2008)
Pammu: Brilliant! A genuis! You are divine! ...see you Monday. (sent 8:52 pm April 25, 2008)
Pao: <Paolo's reply protected as to not prevent from any liabilities; I'm sure Gilia's all cool with it, but I'd also rather honor Paolo's request...it's a secret I'll take with me to...the e t h e r s !!!>
Tiff texts me about her friends spotting me at Alabang Town Center. Sure made me feel like an actor:
Tiff: Haha. My friends said they saw you, my 'queen' :) in town daw (sent 7:15 pm May 4, 2008)
Pammu: They should have bowed to to me! LET THEM KNOW next time.
Tiff: Yes, your highness. (sent 7:47 pm May 4, 2008)
 | TAGGING: John, Jammi, Ria Rebano, Abby, Edsel, Hope Swann, Sian, Noey, BJ Borja, Lois | Apr 19, '08 3:24 AM
for everyone |
I was tagged by Michael.
- Each blogger starts with ten random facts/habits about themselves.
- Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their ten things and post these rules.
- At the end of your blog, you need to choose ten people to get tagged and list their names.
- Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.
- I thought that Ray Charles was my grandfather.
- Dreams for me happen like movies: they often appear to be very cinematic.
- I'm the eldest grandchild on my father's side, and the middle cousin on my mother's.
- I hardly ever send out quotes on text. So yeah, whatever I sent out a few days ago, is very very special. Those things come as frequent and Haley's Comet.
- I only started drinking alcohol at a time when I knew I was doing what I loved the most. I guess that was a year ago.
- I can see angels. Partly the reason why I am not afraid of commuting late at night. (among other things)
- Forming a consciousness as a toddler in Adak, Alaska, aided with everyday Sesame Street, I thought we (meaning my family and I) were Spanish.
- I'd like to take a Theology course. And then teach it.
- Until I met my wonderful 6-footer friends, I wasn't so happy about being 5"2.
- When I was 9, I was thought to be 18. When I was 24, I was thought to be 16.
I tag: John, Jammi, Ria Rebano, Abby, Edsel, Hope Swann, Sian, Noey (belated happy birthday, darling!), BJ Borja, Lois
I present to you ww2 madness:
Thanks for sharing, Micah!
Spending time with me may, at some point, entail me taking a moment from a current conversation, and point out something that had just occurred. Of course, this is peculiar because of the mere fact that I just *had* to interrupt a conversation that I myself am most likely involved in just to point something out. A second reason is that whatever I point out is highly peculiar to begin with. This has reached a point that has caused many a friend to exasperate: Where do you observe these things, Pammu? Simple. It just happened around the corner. ADD must be settling in. Observing things have always been a compulsion and it’s a compulsion that seems to have begun when I first arrived here from Adak. There was a lack of side walks and white children. Gates seem to cover houses like they all had proverbial dirty laundry. These gates seem to keep neighbors from being seen or indicate that they don't ever want to be seen or share the lawn. Green currency was no longer coming out of my mother’s wallet. There were more jeeps in Angeles, more so than there were cars. Trash lie indiscreetly on the ground. Day light looks like an overexposed photograph.
Never mind the absence of snow. The obvious is so overrated. Tonight was no different. On my commute home, I wondered about the woman who sat next to me: her hair smelled like she had finished her shower some 30 minutes ago judging from how it looks lightly damp from the way it securely rests on her back and how she smells like Palmolive. Why did she take a shower and why is she going out at 10 pm, Laguna-bound most likely? I felt like my evening walk through Alabang was awry because the vendors weren’t there. Was there a new regulation? Are they extending side walk renovations all the way there? Are the people I buy my socks from okay? At the same time, I am often aware that people observe me. A few years ago back when I was skinnier than I would currently surmise myself to be, a woman gave me a double take at the frozen food section at the super market. I was made up and dressed typically bohemian, complete with paiselys and blue over a black peasant skirt. One afternoon almost a year ago, two women gave me the same kind of double take as if recognizing me as someone very unlikely to take public transportation. They didn't say anything. Walking by establishments, I can recognize the different tones in the greetings of security guards: if they were happy to see a distraction on a hot afternoon, or if they were being genuinely hospitable. The latter involves a tone that resembles a friendly and welcoming “Happy New Year, ma’am” greeting. I know that because I walked down the National Road from Soldier’s Hills some 5 hours before New Year’s Eve. No one wants to be randomly obscene on New Year's. Starbucks baristas on the other hand are just energized from their provisional caffeine. But this fact can be overlooked anyway. I imagine how Brother Armin would have been so bored to shake the hands of 3000 graduates (a spur of the moment estimate). He survived this boredom by observing his graduates, not just congratulating them. I guess my red paisley-like and intricately beaded earrings helped some. Congratulations, Pamela! Lovely earrings! Curiously, a similar compliment on someone else’s earrings earned me those same complimented earrings. Really? You think they’re nice? Try them on…Oh they great on you…You may have them, Pammu. Bunny claims that she was powerless to my enthusiasm over her sense of style so much that she felt compelled to give them to me. I plead no contest. (Shout out to Bunny: BUNNY!) Noticing things can’t be helped. Like how one would notice a kid shouting out a strange variation of “tag, you’re it”: The castrator will catch you! There are some observations that make me feel like my brain notices things chronically. Like how someone candidly came to be nicknamed as “Uterus.” Like how a fat kid is exasperated about how the complimentary breakfast looks inadequate to which his slenderer brother confronts with a demeaning okay lang, ano! Like how someone embeds “hahahahaha” into a text message when his general countenance, instead, seems to say “I am too stressed to take a shower; I feel a mighty desire to sleep with my backpack still strapped onto me.” Observing things then stems to supposed stories. Like when I thought a bus conductor seemed to have used mascara when in fact his eye lashes are so enviously thick and pretty; the notion that he was gay was reinforced by the floral loose shirt he had on plus thick curly hair that one would suspect was curled. Or the time when I was so freaked out by this woman whom I thought was talking to herself about paying for an imaginary person’s bus fair. I thought that she seriously had Multiple Personality Disorder and was stupid enough to pay a whole Lawton fair for her other personality when in fact, her companion was sitting right behind me. Her companion must really hate her. She didn’t seem likeable, in spite of the fact that she was offering to pay for someone’s bus fare. My best friend and I do this extensively especially whenever we sit and enjoy live music. And yes, we talk during performances. Or we whisper to one another like aunts discreetly talking about a nephew’s questionable choice for a girlfriend. It’s become a standard thing to do for the both of us. Things to watch out for include who is calling the shots within the whole band dynamic; how bass and drummer connect (my own thing to spot); arrangement variations; and if the occasion arises, a missed note and whoever it was that was guilty of it. There was I time that I wondered whether or not the Bond cellist was genuinely flirting with the accompanying bassist (I seriously pondered that and enjoyed pondering that). And then there is me, asking Rod what bizarre time measure a certain track is using. These things can be really absurd. Like noticing someone wearing flip flops in spite of a leather coat and feeling slightly irked. My most recent bizarre spotting is the queers (used fondly here) who we were with in Tam-Awan village in Baguio. A traditional Igorot performance was happening. I can’t say I wasn’t totally undistracted by them, but as I was watching these g-stringed performers dance, these two brightly dressed and petite queers were smiling ridiculously. My mind must have bookmarked them within plain view. And whenever the Igorot dance comes any given part that these g-stringed boys had to bend forward, these two queers, immediately snapped pictures in a way that Pavlov would have used in a text book. One even took a camwhore shot of himself which I was sure had a butt cheek within plain view. Meanwhile, a foreigner who was watching the whole thing looked like a young Richard Gere, only plumper. He was wearing Sanuks and for some reason, I thought that that was cool. His Filipina girlfriend, thankfully, isn’t a skank. There was another foreigner, and he was sitting on a bench wearing a maroon turtle neck and enjoying the afternoon with a hot cup of coffee. I thought he looked like Gandalf, these Igorots being his own personal Hobbits.
There is an off-the-wall observation and nothing has topped it since. I was catching up on my Linguistics reading at Starbucks Vito Cruz when I suddenly noticed that behind my Xerox-copied reading, the light seemed brighter. I looked up at the ceiling and all the light bulbs were lit in spite of this added brightness. Lo and behold. When I put my reading down, it was startling to see this law student studying for the bar with a desk lamp propped up next to his book stand. A desk lamp. In Starbucks. Plugged in. He must be a Saturday regular or he was just oblivious to everyone. Everyone except a friend I suspect hasn’t seen him in quite a while. She sat next to the desk lamp guy, they kissed likely on the cheek, no malice; he stands to get her something. Nothing special, just water. As he walks away, she follows him with a stare that hardly meant anything, then looks at his weird but quaint set up. She ponders for a while but keeps staring. I think she was on the same boat of shock as I was.
Penciled plans to hang out at Bona Coffee were thrown off and therefore automatically erased when it was made known that the family is going to Moonwalk village to have late lunch and spend time with a cousin who only gets to spend the day out for the holiday. Erika, we raided your dvd and watched "Tales from Earthsea," which I didn't find too impressive. "Millenium Actress" was a winner though. Sayang nga lang ang ending. Pero panalo talaga!Then in anticipation of double sticker day, we hung out at Starbucks. It was here that I realize: Man, I really can only get work done at a Starbucks. Thinking sucks at home. Then I find out about Bona pushing through, as Mikey's birthday is a few hours from happening. Micko, as it turns out, is still at home. What better way to commute into BF than with with company? I get dropped off at his house and was let in.
But I digress.
I didn't know there was company, but Micko let me sit with at the dinner table with his parents and his aunt and uncle. I was only introduced as "Peejay," and his uncle immediately caught on to me "an artist, this one?" he asked. I politely said yes.
The table was covered in left over noche buena and two bottles of wine sit at their quaint little corner near the uncle. His uncle seemed to know a lot about the zodiac. "Are you Cancerian?"
No, sir, I'm a Gemini.
He threw his head back a little and let out a gasp. His brother, Micko's dad, said that he was a Cancerian, and so did the aunt remark about herself. She also pointed out that her brother in law is a moonchild, to which he replied "whatever that is."
In this, the most interesting 5 minutes that have happened to me, Micko's mom offered me something to eat, the aunt tells me about how she's always come here to visit for the holidays (she's American), and the mom tells me that she always feels better if her son goes out commuting rather than driving.
Micko comes from upstairs, says good bye and I bid farewell to the house guests. The aunt gives me a tight hug and a light peck on the cheek. Her husband just smiles a good bye at me.
Then, the uncle, as if saying the final word about this brief introduction, says to me as I walk out to the door: "You're so fine."
My eyebrows raise a little bit and I slowly ease into an awkward smile. Surely, it's the wine.
1.YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
Mostly from mosquito bites when I was living here; a toddler fresh from the US, it was tough being the new kid AND covered with scars ALL OVER.
2. WHATS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Sadly, nothing. Plus, I HATE white walls
3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE?
Amber, gold and off white
4 WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
Sufjan, most Indie, and lately, Explosions in the Sky
5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
2 am, allegedy
6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
Patrick to be here. RIGHT NOW!
7. WHO DO YOU MISS?
Patrick, whom I want to be here, RIGHT NOW.
8. WHAT is/are YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION/S?
iPod, certain bargain books, vintage clothing items, bracelets and bangles and things
9. WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?
Call me what you will, but I'm a GEMINI
10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
Not really.
11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
It depends.
12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Patrick, whom I want to be here. RIGHT NOW.
13. WHAT IS/ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
Green Tea, This rose scent from somewhere, Lacoste for women and Oceanus from Body Shop
14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Patrick has blue eyes and dusty blonde hair.
15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF PROPOSING TO YOUR FIANCEE?
Uhm...Alabang. Huge dinner. It has to be reenacted ;)
16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
Black please.
17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Onions, mushrooms, olives
18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Chocolate Gingerbread cake
19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
Patrick, who hasn't emailed for about two days and whom I want to be here, RIGHT NOW.
21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU?
Talking about a specific someone, Paulo N gave me a cat-shaped glass coaster made of cork and wood. He thought it was a teeny tiny corkboard reminder thing, but realized how stupid he was when he brought it home to label it for me.
22. DO YOU LIKE ANYBODY?
Oh I like Michael Williams a LOT.
23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
No, and I don't think I wish to be either.
24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
I am infatuated with Gap, but anything Kamiseta and People are People is great!
25. WHAT'S YOUR DREAM CAR?
A Mini Cooper. But someone wants to buy me a beemer. heeheeheehee
26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW?
Pets. Jack the talking dog, Georgia who would have been a great racing dog. Penny the cat from Manila, Junior who has a human face and Michiko who meows us into turning the kitchen faucet on to play with the water (just because he was water proof fur)
27. WHAT KIND IS IT?
Refer to above.
28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
Maybe then it would wear out when I see the person again. Meh.
29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
I stare right into the webcam while I type. Or just stare for that matter.
30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
87
31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
I love brunettes but know more blondes.
32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
Home or mom.
33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
Right now, the way my mom verbally shoots down what I eat while I'm eating it. I might as well throw up in front of her to make her happy. (I am *that* pissed just thinking about it)
34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA?
Yes! Right now! For 22 years!
35. YOUR WEAKNESS?
On certain days, Lechon kawali. Earlier, 20 Php Cheetos.
37. FIRST JOB?
Assistant Lecturer, Literature Department, DLSU - Manila.
Ha.
38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
At someone I totally abhored. But that was when I was a teenager.
40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Liposuction on my back and thighs.
41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
Because I felt like joining a bandwagon. Plus, I haven't had decent blog moments recently.
42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
My voice. Or my clothes. For this fleeting season, my bangs.
43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
Brew/ferment by own stuff.
44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
A trip to somewhere. And a library.
45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
Four?
46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My mother forgot that she has a sister named Pamela. Dad wanted Jean. Pamela Jean sounds so much like a southern belle, ne?
47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
I did. I forgot what my wish was.
48. WHAT DID YOU DO THIS MORNING?
I slept until noon.
49. WHAT DID YOU LAST EAT?
BBQ Lays
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yes. I realize that my penmanship has hints of that of my mother's and father's. It looks artsy though.
51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
VIENNA SAUSAGE
52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Picking on my hair.
53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MUSIC?
Orange and Lemons
54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
After a week.
55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
Yes.
56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
I inspect the entire package.
In a GP way, people!
57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
Turn on all the ligths in the house. I used to rearrange chairs.
58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
Academy One/Ria's =D
59. EVER BEEN DRUNK?
Yes...To be perfectly honest, this was the year I took serious alcohol.
60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
Cabbage Patch crayon rubbing thing
61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
Oh. around 100-200? I don't know for sure
62.IF YOU COULD BE ANYWHERE RIGHT NOW WHERE WOULD YOU BE?
In Patrick's arms.
63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
*rolls eyes*
64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?
There was a time that I wish I have.
65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
If he can make me laugh within 15 minutes of first meeting.
66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Peejay, Peej, Pam, Miss Pam, ate Pam, Pammu, babe (the last one is an exclusive one, mind)
70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Butter Pecan! (Sebastians)
72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLOR(S)?
This year, it's been blue. But I'm mostly a sun color type of person
73. WHO/WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?
Patrick, whom I want to be here RIGHT NOW; Midsummer; being with an orchestra, singing with a full orchestra
74. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
Four
75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Yes, I want everyone to answer these questions
76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
Nothing. iPod's with Rod (bwisit).
77. LAST THING YOU DRANK?
Iced Tea.
78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Ria via Joms' phone
79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
The way he walks.
80. THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG?
Arthur McBride...an old Irish protest song.
81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE?
Stupid Church People
82. FAVORITE ALCHOHOLIC DRINK(S)?
Amarula and Zen (green tea licqeur)
83. FAVORITE ZODIAC SIGN
Two of the most important people on my life are Cancers
84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT?
Soccer, because it's so much fun to watch.
85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?
Dark Brown
86. EYE COLOR?
Bark Drown. (just to avoid redundancy)
87. HEIGHT
5" 2'
88. FAVORITE ANIMAL?
Elephants
89. FAVORITE MONTH(s)
September for some reason
90. YOU LIKE SUSHI?
Not really
91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
Something on CNN.
92. FAVORITE DAY(s) OF THE YEAR?
Autumn Equinox
94. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer
95. KISSES OR HUGS?
Patrick?
96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
Relationships. Yeah.
97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?
A hat
98. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
My mom?
99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
Texts, Rocks, and Talk (a theology textbook)
100. ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU?
Patrick, who wants to be here RIGHT NOW
SEVEN THINGS THAT SCARE YOU 1) Open spaces (or, too much blue in the sky and such)
2) Clouds, especially cumulunimbus 3) Not knowing what I'm supposed to know 4) Patrick not coming
5) Panicking for lines while on stage
6) Sometimes, when someone tells me: "Let's talk" or something like that
7) Unfulfillment
SEVEN THINGS YOU LIKE THE MOST 1) Literature
2) the Internet
3) Singing 4) Sitting in a Starbucks with all my stuff all over my table
5) Cooking
6) Baking
7) Laughing
SEVEN IMPORTANT THINGS IN YOUR ROOM 1) My iPod speakers
2) My books (especially the bargain ones)
3) My laptop
4) My bed 5) My photocopied theology books
6) My cds
7) My violin (rarely used, but she is something)
SEVEN RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOU 1) I was born in a US Navy boot camp near Chicago
2) (As noted by Joms) I have a "walk" that can be described as extremely casual
3) I just got myself some bangs and I feel more like myself
4) My mouth gapes open when watching tv and very amazed.
5) I don't have a single laugh
6) I swear like a sailor. Filipino and American
7) I talk a certain way to my pets.
SEVEN THINGS YOU PLAN TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE 1) Spend a week on Broadway watching as much as I can
2) Go music shopping in that huge music store in Kentucky
3) Watch Sufjan Stevens LIVE
4) Write a novel
5) "finding" my own Jesus community
6) Go to Mars Hill to check out Rob Bell
7) sing for the president (of America), or the Pope
SEVEN THINGS YOU CAN DO 1) Sing
2) Bake
3) Cook
4) Knit
5) Crochet
6) sun salutations
7) stay up til 5 am and still look pretty the same day
SEVEN THINGS YOU CAN’T DO
(...some for now.)
1) eat some seafood
2) look up at the sky and feel calm
3) DLSU paper trailing
4) keep my room neat (it's been happening lately)
5) acrobatics
6) survive without internet
7) (sometimes) not shut up
SEVEN THINGS THAT ATTRACT YOU TO THE OPPOSITE SEX 1) humor (also, wit)
2) promounced jaw and forehead lines
3) scruff (scruff!)
4) intelligence
5) confidence
6) seeing him reading a book (I have felt the desire to stalk a guy reading in a bus once)
7) "Oh my god look at that smile! Look at that!"
SEVEN (SORT OF NEW) THINGS YOU SAY THE MOST (lately, I've been saying certain things...)
1) I look pretty with bangs!
2) I HAVE INTERNET!
3) HANEP! 4) Oh Lord
5) Ay ang panget.
6) God I love you.
7) p****** yan!
SEVEN CELEB CRUSHES 1) Michael Williams (can I get a witness!)
2) Elijah Wood
3) Conan O'Brien
4) Gene Kelly
5) Anderson Cooper
6) Rowan Atkinson
7) Ewan McGregor
SEVEN PEOPLE YOU WANT TO SEE TAKE THIS TEST 1) Ria Reb
2) Patty (as if but it would be nice to know)
3) Si Bing sana ano? ...
4) Eka :D
5) Zobel people
6) Pops people
7) of course, Mikelele
Months ago, my reply to "how are you?" would consist of an pause pregnant with angst, a conscious effort to not roll my eyes while saying a limp "I'm ok." ~~~~~ Cramped like dry-humored sardines, the Theater Down South crew rode to Mall of Asia for our second carolling gig. I felt irritable that morning, if not sleepy, anxious, and a little off. Before the sardine trip, Mikey sang about how my lips are "nice" right after singing about how he doesn't remember John smiling. I was in a sorry state, truth be told. I was feeling tightness in my chest, my sniffling recquired something of an internal vacuum, I was a bit drowsy, and my dress was tattered on the seems of my sleeves. All that and I had to perform a song that I had only learned the previous day. That last bit reminds me of worship leading moments, but I'll save my thoughts about worship leadingin another post. ~~~~~ This year has been a year of truth and turns. And just when things are going great, there is a tangle in the rope. Because of the specificity of this certain issue, I only allow myself to ask: Can my life story be sold as a movie right? Also: There is no such thing as coincidence in your life, Pammu - Jammi But everything will fall down pat, the same way Paul said in Acts: "do not worry for it will happen just as God has told me." The next thing I find very hilarious, if not the most important part of the pep talk: reality check. Paul continues: "Nevertheless, we must run aground on some island."
But I digress.
~~~~~
I sang "Himig Pasko" today and I noticed an audience member's face light up when I began singing. Truth be told, that was the most nervous I was. My palms were sweating, I've only rehearsed it once, and I didn't know when to begin the repeat. Right after, I was shaking as if shivering in spite of feeling warm. My breathing took on a more heavy pace, and my face was spelling s t r e s s.
~~~~~
So today, at this moment, if I am asked "how are you?" I'll say, as I've been saying a lot lately, "Tired but happy." Let happy also mean content, fulfilled, and maybe even loud.
I don't feel like anything. Not even taking a hot shower. Everything seems to be happening at the same time. There is this pesky hormonal issue that's been pestering me for three weeks now, a slight depression at the weight gain connected by said hormonal issue, this cold that is deeply seated in my system, the online absence of one boyfriend, and the mess that is my bedroom waiting to first be cleared of cobwebs in ceiling corners (the process of cleaning up to be finished off by throughly vacuuming my rug; the process is that tedious). This week has been impressive though...I felt the earthquake while sitting on the floor at rehearsal. The Fujiwhara Effect happened. Yahoo news issues an augur on the night shift. The YouTube Republican debate was pocked with "boooooos." The Manila Pen is in a sorry state. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The only thing I feel bad about the whole Trillianes business is that it was a waste of a nice hotel lobby. That and I sympathize with the hotel staff. Thankfully, I wasn't watching it live on tv as we had a show when it happened. But seriously; what is it with Trillianes and hotels? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Q&A after the show was very impressive. It almost sounded like a press conference. I remember one carefully released question: I am amazed at your costume changes. Some of you have two roles. How do you remember your lines without confusing your characters? (or something like that) Another one stood up and looked stately yet with her hands in her pockets: You are all good actors and actresses. How different is it for you to act on stage than in front of a camera? (again, something like that) This last question is one that I find flattering. The nice student assumes we all act on television, or, if anything at all, professionally. And on one final note, I ask all TDS people to PLEASE update your pic pages! I know there are pretty Pammu pictures in there so don't skimp! Okay thanks.
 My only regret today is going shopping. I went to Festival Mall in hopes to buy ginger ale and only ginger ale, and perhaps a bargain on a new notebook (a new undertaking calls for a new notebook, but maybe that's just a whim in the guise of shabby responsibility). I ended up going on a 3-item spree at that cute Japanese store Clipper. But this isn't the point of this post, isn't it? The ginger ale is for the frosting of a chocolate cake that I've been dying to make since I first laid my eyes on page 278 of Nigella Lawson's Feast. It was a success. Based on the fact that it looked exactly the way it did on the cookbook, down to the way it came out fresh from the oven, down to the ridge mark on one side of the cake. I was such a happy kitchen lass right before dinner. I nearly made a fatal mistake though...I dumped in 2 teaspoons of ground pepper instead of ginger. The good thing was, I dumped all of it in one spot and was able to spoon the pepper out. Nevertheless, it was awesome. Spicy, not too sweet, and very moist. As for those reading this, my mother is a bit touchy on the stuff I make. Once I have my own kitchen, I'll invite you over for desert and make this marvel for you. =D
My God. Can Multiply please pull the Jesus Pics adverts down? I can't browse through My Multiply in peace.
~~~~~~~~~
Lately, it's been catching up on sleep, recovering from fatigue, winning my cat back, talking to Pat, and reading.
Thursday's run of Midsummer was great. My mom and her badminton buddies watched and actually sat a row directly in front of Ria's mom. While one of my mom's friends saw programs on sale, she thought out loud that she'd buy one with the conscious decision to support the show. When a program person came right by her, she asked if senior citizen discounts apply.
I really sort of didn't want to meet my mom's friends. I hardly know them but they seem to all over me. I practically hid in my room, my cat hiding along with me, while they went at the Magic Sing over and over again. They'd just punch in song numbers for me, a more technically advanced version of "sweetie, play the piano for the visitors." They did have their comments, which my mom relayed to me. "They said your voice is too small" or something like that. "Why don't you take classes at Ryan Cayabyab?"
"Mom? Are you noticing how I'm looking at you right now?" My mom doesn't have a register for emotions whatsoever, being Ilocano and all. But I digress. I don't know her friends. I know most of them, but not her faux pas tendency friends. Oh well. This is just an Elizabeth Wurtzel-esque rant.
~~~~~~~~
Speaking of Ellie Wurtzel, Prozac Nation sucks. A friend shoved it into my hands as if an act of good will to make me more informed and pop-cultured than I contentedly am. All Wurtzel does is rant. But I believe her when she is helpless. She's a great writer and all, but all she does is complain and give social commentary. Not that her social commentary is irrelevant or boring. It's smart at times, but it gets jarring.
~~~~~~~~
I'm actually reading Prozac Nation for Pat. He asked me if it was bull****, and that querry made me wonder of that were the case anyway. I was just starting the first chapter when he asked me. I guess we'll be exchanging notes on depression, comparing Wurtzel's and his.
Pat's hilarious, smart, a goof ball, a terrible speller, and one for brilliant repartee. I stared into a webcam while chatting with him once and he knew what I was saying without typing anything. Pat justifies my sleep deprivation, but we're hoping and praying that we'll be in the same time zone pretty soon.
~~~~~~~~
Junior my cat is snuggled in a paper bag of clothing supposedly for repairs and adjustments. She's turning into a big girl now, and it's recently that she started coming back to the habit of returning to my room and camping in here. Yay Junior!
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